


You Already Know Where to go

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:51:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon helps Jim realize why he can't tell Blair he loves him. Can Jim get over himself in time to keep from losing Blair?<br/>This story is a sequel to Something to Think About.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Already Know Where to go

## You Already Know Where to go

by Brak

Author's webpage: <http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/2455/xfic.html>

Disclaimers: Not mine. Not making any money. 

Notes: After recieving numerous threats of bodily harm, I figured I ought to get this done right quick. Hope you like it. 

* * *

Jim drove for what felt like forever. He had no idea where he was going. He eventually found himself pulling into the driveway of a familiar house. He walked up to the door and knocked. It was early. He was probably still asleep. 

A robed and sleepy looking Simon Banks answered. 

"Jim. What are you doing here? It's..." He looked at his wrist only to realize he hadn't put his watch on yet. "What time is it?" 

"A little after 7:00." Jim said. "I'm sorry I woke you. I'll go." Jim turned and started back toward the truck. 

"No, it's OK, Jim." Simon said. "You obviously want something. What's up?" 

"I, uh. Well, I guess I need to talk..um to someone." Jim stammered. 

"Sandburg out of town?" Simon asked, as he motioned Jim through the door and into the kitchen. 

"Sandburg's the problem." Jim said as he sat at the kitchen table and accepted a mug of coffee. 

"That doesn't sound good." Simon said, sitting across from Jim. 

There was silence as they both sipped coffee. 

"So do you want to talk?" Simon asked. "Because I know you hate my coffee." 

"Yeah. I want to talk. It's just hard." 

"Take your time, Jim. I'm your friend. Remember?" 

"You might not be when you hear what I did." 

"Oh, man Jim it can't be that bad." 

"Yes it can. You'll probably hate me." 

"You didn't hurt the kid, did you?" Simon said, thinking of the only thing he knew of that could get him to rethink his position on Jim Ellison. 

"No! Not that way, anyway." 

"Some times the other way is worse." Simon said. 

"A lot worse." Jim whispered. 

"What happened?" Simon prompted. 

"I, uh..I slept with Blair." Jim said softly. 

"What?" Simon asked incredulously. 

"I slept with Blair." Jim said again a little louder. 

"I heard you." 

"He came back from a date. It didn't go too well. We were watching TV and all of a sudden I realize, he's putting the moves on me. I figure he's just frustrated and I haven't had much luck in the date department myself. I say to myself, "why not?". I mean, it's nothing I haven't done before, and it's not as if I'd never thought about it. Besides, he's my friend. Better with me than with some cheap floozy who won't respect him in the morning." 

"But it's more complicated than that." Simon said. 

"It's way more complicated than that. He loves me, Simon. He told me this morning. It nearly ripped my heart out when he said it. I knew I'd made a mistake. God, Simon I saw his heart break right in front of me. Now he wants to leave. Says he can't stay with me after what happened." 

"Can you blame him?" Simon asked. 

"I suppose not. I don't know what to do." 

"How do you feel about him?" Simon said. 

"He's my best friend. I certainly don't want him to leave." 

"Is there anything you can do?" 

"He says he'll stay if I tell him I love him. But I can't lie to him." 

"Would it really be a lie?" 

"I do love him. God, he's the best friend I've ever had." 

Simon looked a bit hurt. 

"Sorry, sir." 

"It's OK. So if you love him, what's the problem?" 

"I don't love him _that_ way." 

"Jim, you've already loved him _that_ way." Simon said. "If the sex isn't the problem, then what is?" 

"I don't know." 

"You want to know what I think?" 

"Why the hell not?" Jim said in a resigned tone. 

"I think you're scared." 

"Scared of Blair?" 

"That's part of it." 

"And the other part?" 

"You're scared of being called gay." 

"I'm _not_ gay, Simon." 

"Jim, I've known you for a long time. And I've known about quite a few of your dalliences with other men. Now for me, I have no problem with people on that side of the fence, but personally that grass isn't looking very green at all. You know what I mean?" 

"Not really." 

"I mean, that you think that as long as you keep your flings with men short, then you can write it off to not getting any for a while. But now that you've been confronted with a guy who wants more than a night in the sack with you, you're scared that you want more than that with him too." 

"Simon, that's the biggest load of psychobabble bullshit I've ever heard. I'm NOT gay." 

"I'm just calling it like I see it." 

"Yeah, well you see it wrong." Jim said, getting up. "God, why did I even come here? I thought you were my friend." 

"I am your friend, and you came here because that's what you needed. Someone you trusted, who could tell you the truth. Think about it." 

Jim sat back at the table. After a few moments of silence Simon spoke up. 

"Well?" 

"I'm thinking." Jim grumbled. 

"And?" 

"I don't know." 

"Jim, I'm going to ask you a few questions, and I don't want you to think about them too long. Just answer them. Can you do that?" 

"Yes, Dr. Brothers." 

"Ha ha. First question. Do you love Blair?" 

"Yes." Jim said quickly. 

"Do you want him to leave?" 

"Of course not!" 

"Did you enjoy what you did last night?" 

"Simon...I" 

"Answer the question!" Simon bellowed. 

"Yes." 

"Do you want to do it again?" 

"Yes, I mean No, I mean..." 

"You mean Yes." 

"Yes." Jim said quietly. 

"How long have you wanted him?" 

"Forever." Jim said. It all seemed so clear now. Blair was his world. How had been able to deny it before? Why hadn't he seen it? /Because you're a fucking coward Ellison/ "What do I do?" 

"Go to him." Simon said. "Tell him before it's too late, or he could be gone forever." 

"I'm scared, Simon." 

"Scared of Blair?" 

"Scared of being called gay." 

"Jim, I'm your friend. No matter what happens, no matter how you want to do this, I'm behind you 100%." 

"Thanks, Simon. That really means a lot to me." Jim glanced at the clock. 9:00! /Oh, God, what if he's gone already?/ 

"Simon, I have to get back to him. I have to go, or there might not be a 'this'." 

"Go on then." Simon said. 

Simon walked Jim to the truck and shook his friend's hand. "Good luck, Jim." Simon said. 

"Thanks, Simon. For showing me where to go." 

"You always knew where you needed to go. I just showed you how to get there." 

Jim climbed in the truck and headed home, praying that Blair was still there. 

* * *

Jim arrived home as quickly as he could. He extended his hearing and heard Blair puttering around in the living room. 

"Let's see. Books, keys, computer, clothes. Do I need anything else?" 

"Don't leave, Chief." Jim said as he took the steps two at a time. 

Blair nearly jumped out his skin when Jim burst through the door. He clutched his duffle bag close to him, forming a barrier between him and the man who had already brought him so much pain. 

"Jim! What are you doing here? You said..." 

"I know what I said." Jim cut him off. "But I couldn't let you go. I worked some things out. I'm ready to say it Blair." 

"Jim, don't fuck with me like this. And don't even think about saying it just so I'll stay. I'd rather stay here the rest of my life and have you never say it, than live that lie." 

/Shit. He doesn't believe me./ "I don't say something unless I mean it." 

"You already said you didn't." Blair said. 

"I didn't say I didn't. I said I couldn't say it." 

"Is there a difference?" Blair asked. 

"Yes." 

"I don't know if I can do this, Jim." Blair said. "I don't know if I can believe you. I took that chance once. I don't know if I can do it again." 

"Blair, after I left, I went and talked to Simon. He's helped me understand some things about myself. I realize now that I was just scared." 

"You told Simon about this?" Blair yelled. 

"He's my friend." Jim defended. "He's your's too. I needed to talk to someone and he's number two on my list." 

"OK, OK, we'll discuss that later. So what were you so scared of?" 

"Scared of what people would think, what people would say. Scared that after 35 years of denial I'd finally have to admit to myself that I'm gay." /That wasn't so hard was it?/ 

Blair was taken aback by Jim's admission. /I never imagined you could be afraid of anything, Jim./ "I never thought of it that way." Blair said. "I just thought you didn't care." 

"I've always cared about you, Blair." Jim said. 

Jim walked over to Blair and took the heavy duffle bag out his hands, placing it gently on the floor. Then he knelt in front of Blair and took his friend's left hand in both of his. He looked up into Blair's deep blue eyes. "I love you, Blair. I want you to stay." 

Blair looked down. Could he do it? Could he believe in the dream again? He searched Jim's eyes, looking for any hint that the man was lying. Finally he spoke. "Jim, you have no idea how much I've wanted to hear you say that, but I need you to take a time out here. I need you to think long and hard. I have just enough trust left to believe you and if next week you decide this was all a big mistake I don't think I could take it. So if you have any reservations, now is the time." 

"None." Jim said quickly. 

"I said think about it, Jim. Please, for my peace of mind, think about it." 

Jim thought. There was a lot he was unsure of, but one thing he knew was that he loved Blair Sandburg and a life without him wasn't worth living. Jim looked back up into Blair's eyes. "I'd be lying if I said the idea of being 'out' didn't scare the bejeezus out of me, but you're more important than that. You're more important than anything." 

Blair looked down at Jim. He cupped the older man's jaw in his right hand. "I believe you." 

Jim stood and smiled. He leaned close to Blair and kissed him gently. "I love you." He whispered. "I'm so sorry I couldn't say it before." 

"Better late than never." Blair said. 

"Do you, uh, want to go upstairs?" Jim asked shyly. 

"Not right now, Jim." Blair said. "How about the couch?" 

"The couch?" 

"Yeah, you look like you give great cuddle." Blair said, rubbing Jim's chest. 

"Oh, well you're in for treat, My Love. I happen to be a master cuddler." 

They sat on the couch and nestled into each other. "What did you just call me?" 

"What? My Love? Well, you are, aren't you?" 

"Well, yeah, but you seem to be easing into this new lifestyle pretty easily." 

"I told you. I always say what I mean. I'm far from comfortable with what's going to happen out there." Jim said indicating the balcony windows. "But I'm very happy where I am right now." 

"OK." Blair said snuggling closer, feeling those wonderful arms around him. All day he'd been praying it had all been a dream, now he hoped to God it wasn't. 

"So how do you want to play this on Monday?" Blair asked. 

"I don't think we should do anything different." Jim said. "I don't want you thinking I'm ashamed of you, but you know how cops can be. It would be safer for both of us if we kept a low profile for the time being." 

"I understand." Blair said. "I wish it didn't have to be that way." 

"Me too, Chief." Jim said. 

"We should do one thing different." Blair said. 

"What's that?" Jim asked. 

"We need to stop dating. I'm very selfish. I can't share you." 

"You got it, Chief. You're the only one for me." 

"Ditto. As of today, Blair Sandburg is officially off the market." 

They sat in silence for a while. 

"So," Blair finally broke the quiet peace that had settled around them. "Simon knows?" 

"Simon knows." Jim said. "In fact, I should probably call him and tell him how it went." 

"He's OK with it?" 

"It was his idea." 

"What?" 

"Not like that. He didn't tell me what to do or say or anything. He just helped me figure some stuff out. He's behind us." 

"Well that's good." Blair said. 

Silence descended on them yet again. Blair heaved a large, contented sigh. "I love you, James." He said. 

"I love you, Blair." 

End 


End file.
